I surprised myself, when I heard my kids’ disagreement intensify, voices raised, and whole bodies moving quickly to get a point across. As they headed into ful argument mode I thought: “Oh interesting, how are they going to get through this one?” A couple seconds later I realized what I had just thought. At that moment I knew a powerful shft had happened for us as a family.
To be totally honest, I had the opposite response not long ago. In my conventional parenting days my kids fighting was of top concern to me. I was worried they’d hurt each other, or it would grate on my nerves. Sometimes I was too tired to break up a fight. The anticipation of seeing how they would navigate a fight on their own terms was not something i thought would be a perk of Unschooling! I’ve had several interesting little insights about what I look forward to now from an Unschooling perspective. Here are a few:
1). Whatching my kids navigate and grow through having disagreements with each other. Also my husband and I are learning and growing in connection with each other too!
2) Dropping everything to be available to my boys through a meltdown. Understanding over time what contributes to my kids’ spiral to the point of melting down, and helping to take care of those needs throughout the day. When each kid has had plenty of food, rest, attention and cuddles, they in turn rarely hit that point of exhaustion or overstimulation. And if they do reach that point, that’s okay too.
3). Taking our time leaving the house. We leave plenty of time to get ready if we have somewhere to be, and if we don’t have a time commitment, then it takes as long as it takes.
4). Having time with each of them at bedtime. I now look forward to the opportunity to have one on one time with each of my kids, even if its for just a couple minutes.
5). Watching them delight in a favorite show or videogame. Their enthusiasm is contagious!
I surprised myself with each one of these insights. None of them happened overnight, but I did notice the shift when I went from disliking most things on this list, to celebrating, as each one is an opportunity for connection.
