I think the hardest part to explain to people, and also the hardest part to bring into the conventional world, is the change that happens around the perception of time.
One of the greatest gifts of Unschooling is the freeing shift towards how time is precieved. When we are all free to do what we choose, time takes a backseat. I’m new enough to Unschooling to remember how aspects of the day dragged on. How maintaining our schedules could really take a lot out of my kids and I. Sometimes whole days would pass and I’d feel like I had missed out on enjoying my children, because I was too busy getting them ready for a play date that they weren’t excited about, or preparing for that outing that I planned in advance, and now I didn’t want to go.
For me, the letting go of what time meant to us was crucial to get to the sweet spots of Unschooling. Why did an arbitrary amount of time get precedent over how long my child gets to spend playing computer games, or when he eats food? Why do they have to quickly solve a disagreement, or get out of the bath when the water turns cool?
When I dropped the level of importance time has, new and exciting things began to happen: more opportunities appeared for connection with my kids and my partner. I became a calmer person, the one I strived to be and thought was only possible with lots of time away from my kids, to recharge from the constant management of our time.
There are many aspects within time that I could focus on, and I will do that in coming posts. But the general idea of treating time as the construct that it is, can lead to so many new opportunities for living life in a freer, more authentic way. Time is very restrictive for little minds who are figuring out the world.
Now, when we wake up, we all have a slower, relaxed pace as we make our way downstairs. I or my husband predictably make a simple breakfast, while the boys find something that interests them. I get to join them with my coffee, checking in to see what video they have chosen, or what toys they become immersed in. Maybe they come to the table for breakfast first thing, or maybe they come by later, after they have spent time doing what they love. And the day flows from there.
Do I have moments or whole days even where I want more structure, more control of the day? Oh yes! Sometimes I ask them to pause and think about what they’d like to do for the day, as I have a little one who still naps and do that requires planning around. And occasionally, I would really like to go for a walk, and I ask if my kids would be willing. Sometimes they say yes. If I’m really getting annoyed at the pacing of the day, I will put on my headphones with a podcast or music for a bit. That almost always helps me get through the “grasping for a schedule” feelings.
What would happen if you woke up and had no agenda for you or your kids? How do you feel thinking about the that? What stopped me from trying at first was the feeling that everything would get out of control and I’d get angry. When I was able to set my great aside and try it, I found the great was founded- we did and still do have moments of chaos! What I learned was I can be in chaos without getting angry, and the chaos often wanes on its own, if I let it.
So, time. It can be a lovely thing, when you allow your family to go at their own pace.
